Unknowingly Unprepared

I have never really spoken much about death on this blog. Odd considering it’s something that was on my mind a great deal while I was ill. Those dark thoughts stuck with me secretly for such a long time. Recently I was in attendance She’s Connected 2012. The sessions had broken for lunch and I joined some dear friends in the boardroom for a quick meal. My friend Ann sat across the table from me chipper and vibrant, despite having lost her husband the past year, she seemed to be really flourishing at the event. Then a woman takes the stage for an impromptu chat. She was representing an author who penned a book about her experience after loosing her husband suddenly. Instantly I felt a bit sick and turned to look at Ann, only to find that the ENTIRE room had just awkwardly done the exact same thing.  I worried for her, I felt for her and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. This woman I thought was coping so surprisingly well was right back in that moment, immersed in her pain all over again.

I know the speaker had no idea the weight her words would hold for some of us who have grown to love and admire Ann. Nonetheless, I sat stone faced listening to her speak about how the author was so deeply unprepared. There was much she hadn’t done and much she had no idea how to do. My own situation bubbled up and I was then crying too. No longer out of sympathy for my friend, but out of anger towards myself because I had convinced myself that I was prepared in th event that I lost my fight with cancer.

In my guest post on Anns website I recount how terrible my situation was, and how selfish I was to have had cancer and not have taken care to properly plan for myself and my family.

You can read my post here: Unknowingly Unprepared

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7 comments on “Unknowingly Unprepared

  1. SnyMed says:

    You are not selfish. Perhaps not fully prepared, but this is understandable. Two years ago this month my father-in-law passed away too soon due to colorectal cancer. He made sure he repeated perhaps 50 times what he wished inscribed on his headstone: “Beloved husband, father and grandfather.” I joked with him at the time to lighten the mood, but that is what is engraved on his final resting spot. Glad that he was so clear about what he wanted inscribed.

    Jenna
    http://www.snymed.blogspot.ca

  2. Wow. What a powerful post. I’m sorry you are suffering. But Jenna is right! You are not selfish. I wish you the best of luck in the future! *HUGS*

  3. I don’t think any of us are really prepared… If we’re healthy, we think we’re invincible and if we’re sick, then we focus on getting better and spend so much energy on that we don’t have time to think about death. It’s a scary thought. Thanks for sharing your experience – and maybe making some of us think harder about it. 🙂

  4. Thank you for sharing this with us. I really appreciate the beautiful, real-life story. And I wish you good health, and much strength. Also to your friend, because I feel for her. x

  5. Elizabeth L says:

    Your post must have been so difficult to write, let alone share. I think the fact is that most people just don’t consider preparing for their own deaths. It’s a hard thing to even contemplate, never mind making plans for your loved ones ahead of time.

  6. Brandi says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this post, as difficult as it must have been! It’s so hard to think about preparing for death for so many people and it’s something people try hard to put aside, even though it’s in the back of many people’s minds. It’s important to be prepared and to have others know exactly what you want as well 🙂

  7. There were some very powerful moments at She’s Connected that is for sure.

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