13 hours, 1 minute and 22 seconds…

…until my surgery. If it wasn’t for my close friends I would have fallen completely apart by now. I packed my hospital bag a while ago and it was really painful… Reminded me of the last time I packed a hospital bag when I was pregnant with Ruari. It was a really happy time with so much to look forward to. I had no idea that a year later I would be faced with the biggest battle I could imagine. Cancer.

Never in a million years would I have seen this coming. A heart attack maybe (lol), but not cancer.

I know the surgery is only the first step in a lengthy proccess to rid myself of this illness, but it seems like the scariest part for me.

Even though I know it’s irrational, I can’t rid myself of the fact that I could die. From the surgery or the cancer. I know what you’re thinking… stay positive, you can do it! It’s hard at times. Tonight I sat down to write letters to my kids. I call them “just-in-case letters. Beyond that I have tried to stay really positive and “normal” during the whole thing.

Once I am home from surgery and things have settled down, I will post an update with how the surgery went and how I am doing.

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